2 Acceptance

A few years ago, my ex-wife and I had been having problems and we fought almost on a daily basis. I was angry at her and she was also crossed with me. A small misunderstanding always turned into a big argument. I never looked forward to going home on a daily basis. I always got home from work at around 4pm and one day I got home and upon opening the door I thought we were robbed. It took quite sometime to realise that my ex-wife had left me and took what she needed to settle in at her new apartment. She did that just days before we had to move into our new home.

I was so mad at that point and did not understand how could she just pack up and leave without saying a word. Wanted to call her and lash at her. This was the woman that I loved and held her dearly in my heart. She had left me and there was a void in my heart. There were many questions going through my mind. How could she do this to me? How will I explain this to the church? Is this the end? Until that day, divorce was never in my mind. The only thing I had in mind was for us to attend counselling so that we can make our union work.

A year went by and I was still angry at her and also to the ladies out there. How can a woman I love so much leave me? At this point marrying again was a taboo and had taken a vow never to get married again. Many of the ladies that I went out with suffered and in one way or another I punished them for her mistakes. Commitment was never there anymore and it was just for passing time was not looking for companionship anymore. Some of them I made them cry without even thinking about what my actions were doing to them. My heart had gone cold.

Throughout this time I could not accept what had happened. The woman I loved had left me and could not move on from there. The woman whom I wanted to grow old with! This anger challenged my risk appetite grew stronger and started enjoying extreme sport and my driving habits changed to the worse. Had stopped sleeping and only spent a few hours in bed. Took more responsibilities at work so that it can fill the void in my heart and went to gym 3 times a day to calm my nerves. Made a lot of money and still managed to finish it over a weekend

All this could have been avoided if I had accepted what had happened to me. It took a long time to realise what was happening. The person that was suffering was me and not my ex-wife. Some of the things I did to spite her but I was the one who had to live with myself after I have done those things.
Now that I was aware of what this situation was doing to me I had to learn to accept it. This does not mean that things will change but rather that you have taken a conscious decision to see what your current circumstance is doing to you. Anger and pain will not just go away because you have accepted what had happed.